Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Big Changes






Since my last post 10 months ago a lot of big changes have happened. Robert and I have decided to divorce, and I find myself on a journey to single parenthood. This is a place I never wanted to be, but I am determined to make the best of it. I am the mother to 5 beautiful babies, and they need me to set an example of strength and gratitude in a less than ideal situation. I am hoping to keep this updated, as well as catching up from the last non-pregnancy post, but wont be going into much detail about the events leading up to the end of the marriage. I am going to look and move forward and hope for the best!

Friday, August 21, 2015

Birthing at Home

It has taken me a while to write down Samuel’s birth story. It was such an amazing experience and I wanted to process my feelings and experiences before I tried to write it down. I don’t think I will ever experience anything so powerful, wonderful, and amazing again.

It all starts the Saturday before. I had gotten my membranes swept for a second time, and was contracting a ton at the aquarium afterwards and late into that night, to the point that I thought I might actually be in labor. I laid down to rest and see what happened and woke the next morning, still pregnant. It was such a disappointment. I was tired of waiting, but more so I was starting to really worry about how truly safe it was to keep him in any longer. After loosing Cadence, and knowing so many other moms who have lost late term babies, it was starting to freak me out a little (ok a lot.)

So, Sunday afternoon/evening I got permission from my midwife (Terah) to use her recipe for a caster oil induction. She had me make a smoothie to help it work more slowly and not be such a shock to my system. It wasn’t that bad, and after only 4 hours, around 6:30pm, my contractions started just like they had the evening before. I was in complete denial. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and then have nothing happen.

I sat outside for a while with my mom and then, when she and the girls were in bed Robert and I watched some episodes of our TV shows. I set up my birthing ball so that I could lean against the back of the couch and completely relax. I was texting Terah and doula (Aliya), and kept telling them that I didn’t know if this was really it and that I felt like if I laid down everything would stop. I was timing the contractions and they were about every 2-3 minutes but only lasting about 45-50 seconds. The contractions were much more intense when I was up and moving, but more spaced out. Around 9 Aliya and I talked for a few minutes so she could hear how I was handling contractions. I felt like they were getting closer together, but not too difficult to breathe through.

At 10:30 I decided that I should lay down and see what happened. I went to my bed fully expecting everything to stop. On my way to bed I asked Robert to check on me in 30 minutes and wake me up if I was asleep so I could take more caster oil. Once I got in bed I continued to time the contractions, and started listening to my Hypnobabies birthing day CD. The contractions went to about 1.5 minutes apart and 1 minute long. Luckily, Robert came to check on me early because I had gotten to a point where I couldn’t text in between contractions. I had him text our birth team and tell them to come over. This was only 15 minutes after I had laid down!!

It took me a couple days to realize it, but this part of my labor was NOT painful! It was intense, powerful, and I had to work to keep myself focused on my breathing, but I was not in pain! I never moved, just laid on my side and stayed deep in hypnosis listening to my early stage labor CD track.

By the time Aliya arrived, probably only 10 minutes later, I was DEEP in hypnosis and didn’t really notice when she came in. Terah was stuck in traffic and her assistant and student got there before her. When they arrived, they apparently thought I was asleep and wondered if they were going to be heading back home! At this point, I was actually in transition! I was starting to shake between contractions, which I knew meant I was close to having a baby. I was still not feeling any pain, only the extreme power of my muscles working hard to birth my baby.

I remember noticing when midnight came. The app I was using to time contractions showed a line where a new day started. I’m not sure why I remember that part of the labor, but I do. Shortly after that, at 12:37 I had a contraction that was double the length that any of the others had been. It started, peaked, started to die down and then intensified and peaked again. It was just over 2 minutes long. According to my contraction monitor, I only timed one more after that before I left the bed to get into the tub. I didn’t remember to bring my phone with me out to the tub. The “Push your baby out” track completely slipped my mind, but probably would have been helpful in the hour to come.

Getting into the tub was wonderful! It lessened the intensity of the contractions (still not painful, just super powerful and hard to concentrate and breathe through) and renewed my birthing energy. It felt like I only had a couple contractions in the water before I started pushing, but apparently it was more like 30-45 minutes. This is when I started to loose focus. The CD track I had been listening to had been keeping me focused, deeply hypnotized, and grounded. Not having that shook my focus and things started to get uncomfortable and scary. I remember starting to feel a bit of fear every time a contraction would start because I wasn’t able to handle them as well. They weren’t overwhelmingly painful, but they were much more difficult to handle than when I was laying in bed. If I ever do this again I will make sure that a couple people know to switch my track to pushing baby out and bring it with me to the tub.

Then came the pushing. This is where things started to hurt. With Kaylee, not only did I had an epidural, but I only pushed 3 times and out she came, no big deal haha! I don’t know if I was expecting the same thing, but I wasn’t expecting it to be as difficult as it was. At first I was pushing on my knees holding on to Roberts hands over the side of the birthing tub. Then, they couldn’t find his heartbeat with me in that position so they had me turn over and lean back against the side. Right before I turned around my water broke, and that was when things got super intense. Being on my back, facing the middle of the tub, was much better for me because I could brace my feet against the opposite side when I pushed. It seemed like it took forever for him to start crowning, and it felt like my pushing wasn’t doing much to move him down.

Finally he started to crown, and that part did hurt. There is a reason it’s called the ring of fire! He head came out half way and then it felt like FOREVER before the rest came out! Then I pushed a couple times and his shoulders didn’t come out so my midwife reached in to make sure he wasn’t stuck. I remembered having an instant of preparing for things to get really crazy really fast if he was in fact stuck, but then Terah said “his shoulder is out” and I relaxed as he came the rest of the way out. 1:37 pm, exactly an hour after the crazy double contraction.

Finally he was here! There were a few scary minutes right after he came out because he wasn’t breathing. He got some attention from the midwives for almost 3 whole minutes before he took a breath and started crying. His color was good, and he was still getting oxygen from the cord, and I trusted Terah to know if something was an emergency or not. As soon as he was breathing he was handed to me, and it was amazing to finally hold him.

After delivering the placenta, Samuel went with Robert while I was stitched up. Then I got him back to nurse while Robert went to get Kaylee and my mom. Kaylee had requested that we wake her up to meet the baby even in the middle of the night. I’m so glad we did, because she was SO excited to meet him.

As soon as I was stitched up, he had nursed for a little while, been weighed, and measured he and I went to bed. My poor midwives had to stay for a while longer to be there for the 3 hours postpartum before heading home.

This birth was such an amazing, empowering experience! It was so much calmer and more controlled than I ever thought it would be. Having such an amazing home birth makes me wish I would have birthed this way from the beginning!

Birth Pictures

I wish I could have afforded a birth photographer, but my midwife took some beautiful pictures when she wasn’t busy with me and Samuel.

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The birth space and tub. On the wall are affirmations

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Contracting while trying to get into the birth tub

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I love this one of everyone

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The relief of him being out and being ok

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Holding him was so amazing!

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Kaylee meeting her brother

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Setting up the scale

Weight
I love Kate’s face in this one!

When they weighed him and I saw everyone’s jaws drop and their eyes get huge I was really surprised. I hadn’t thought he was that big at all. I never imagined I would birth a 10 lb baby!

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It fluctuated between 9.15 and 10 lbs, so we just called it at 10 lbs

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Terah caught this smile doing lighting checks and decided to use it for the announcement she made up.

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Amazingly cute baby feet

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A picture with the wonderful organ that kept him alive and safe for 42 long weeks

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Samuel Orion


Birth_Announcement
We welcomed our little man on July 13th at 42 weeks and 3 days of my pregnancy. He is amazing and I still can hardly believe that he is finally here and that he is actually a HE! Yes, I had some worries that he would come out a girl.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Still Waiting……

Pregnancy Highlights: Robert’s mom was here helping this past week, but had to go home on Tuesday. My mom is here now, and is planning to stay until this little man comes out.
Guess Date: July 26, 2015
How Far Along: 42 weeks
Size of baby: Who knows!! They don’t put estimates of post date babies online haha!
Weight: 218.2 – I didn’t weigh myself this week so I’m just leaving last week’s here
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 21.8 lbs – I am very happy with this!
Maternity Clothes: Yes! Growing out of a few of the shirts
Gender: BOY!!!!
Name: We still haven’t decided on a name for sure! We have a few, and are trying to choose middle names. We have decided that we are going to be waiting to see him before we decide. We are leaning towards one more than the others though.
Movement: He has gotten much less active, probably because there isn’t any extra space anymore.
Sleep: I have had several episodes of practice labor that keeps me up in the evenings or wakes me up early in the mornings. Other than that, I still sleep very well thanks to Hypnobabies.
Exercise: I have been walking to the park with the girls a couple times a week, and this past week walked around our neighborhood hoping to get things started. No luck!
Hypnobabies: I am in the practice weeks of the home study class, which means I am cycling through all the CD tracks and practicing my hypnosis cues on my own. I have missed a few days of listening, but hopefully it’s ingrained enough that it will be ok.
Symptoms: Exhaustion, contractions every few days, some of them have gotten really serious and made me think it was time. When I lay down to relax and listen to my birthing time tracks they go away. It’s pretty frustrating. But I am still trying to be patient.
Throw up tally: 0!!
What I miss: Energy, and having my house to myself. As nice as it is to have help with things, it’s extremely exhausting and stressful to have had someone living in our house with us for 2 full weeks now.
Cravings: I haven’t had any cravings for a while. I haven’t been very hungry much lately. Aversions: Nothing!
Things to do: We are ready!
Best Moment this week: Seeing that he is ok on ultrasound and knowing that it’s safe for us to keep waiting for him.
Looking Forward To: These contractions to turn into birthing day labor!

42 weeks

42 Weeks

Friday, June 26, 2015

Due Date!

Pregnancy Highlights: It’s officially my “Due date” and we are still waiting! Not a huge surprise to me, but I was a little hopeful that he would have come early.
Guess Date: TODAY!!
How Far Along: 40 weeks
Size of baby: About 7 pounds and over 19 1/2 inches long
Weight: 216.4 – I didn’t weigh myself this week so I’m just leaving last week’s here
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 20 lbs – I am very happy with this!
Maternity Clothes: Yes! Growing out of a few of the shirts
Gender: BOY!!!!
Name: We still haven’t decided on a name for sure! We have a few, and are trying to choose middle names.
Movement: He finally turned head down middle of last week, right before we decided to schedule an external version which is where the Dr would try to turn him from the outside. Not pleasant, and most Dr’s like to induce immediately after.
Sleep: One HUGE benefit to using Hypnobabies is that it has an instant relaxing effect, and makes me sleep quickly and deeply. Best sleep of my pregnancy so far!
Exercise: I have been walking to the park with the girls a couple times a week
Hypnobabies: I am in the practice weeks of the home study class, which means I am cycling through all the CD tracks and practicing my hypnosis cues on my own.
Symptoms: Exhaustion.
Throw up tally: 0!!
What I miss: Energy!!
Cravings: I haven’t had any cravings for a while. I haven’t been very hungry much lately. Aversions: Nothing!
Things to do: Only a few! I have all but a couple of things for the birth, and everything needed right away for baby.
Best Moment this week: Having him solidly head down! It was a huge relief that we can continue to plan for a home birth.
Looking Forward To: Meeting this little one and proving to myself that I can birth naturally!

Week 40

40 weeks

Saturday, June 13, 2015

So Very Close!

Pregnancy Highlights: We are officially in the “waiting game” stage of the pregnancy. I am trying to be patient, but I am excited to meet this guy when he decides to come. Having gone so long with the twins without any serious contractions, both my midwife and I are expecting this guy to wait until at lease 40 weeks before making his entrance.
Guess Date: June 26, 2015
How Far Along: 38 weeks
Size of baby: 6.8 pounds and over 19 1/2 inches long
Weight: 216.4
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 20 lbs – I am very happy with this!
Maternity Clothes: Yes! Growing out of a few of the shirts
Gender: BOY!!!!
Name: We have a couple boy names, but I am not set on any of them yet. I’m thinking we will be keeping it to ourselves until after he is born…..because we may not decide until then haha!
Movement: The past couple weeks we have gotten really serious about encouraging him to turn head down. I went to both my regular chiropractor and a different one who is known for being good at getting babies to turn. At our ultrasound he was transverse, but still moving a lot. I apparently have a lot of nice fluid and he basically has a swimming pool. Finally, a couple days after a major adjustment by the new chiropractor, he turned head down and seems to be there to stay.
Sleep: One HUGE benefit to using Hypnobabies is that it has an instant relaxing effect, and makes me sleep quickly and deeply. Best sleep of my pregnancy so far!
Exercise: Most of my exercise right now is from the spinning babies website for encouraging baby to get into a good position for birth.
Hypnobabies: I am in the practice weeks of the home study class, which means I am cycling through all the CD tracks and practicing my hypnosis cues on my own.
Symptoms: Exhaustion.
Throw up tally: 0!!
What I miss: Energy!!
Cravings: I haven’t had any cravings for a while. I haven’t been very hungry much lately. Aversions: Nothing!
Things to do: Only a few! I have all but a couple of things for the birth, and everything needed right away for baby.
Best Moment this week: My baby shower! It was fun to have time with a bunch of ladies in my church ward as well as my Doula. Yummy food and lots of girl talk. It was almost as refreshing as a girls night out with my Utah friends.
Looking Forward To: Meeting this little one and proving to myself that I can birth naturally!

Week 38
Week 38

Week 38 (2)

Week 37
Week 37

Friday, May 29, 2015

“Full Term”

Pregnancy Highlights: It’s so exciting and scary to be so close to meeting this little boy!
Guess Date: June 26, 2015
How Far Along: 36 weeks
Size of baby: About 6 lbs and roughly 18.1/2” long long
Weight: 215.8
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 19.4 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Yes! Growing out of a few of the shirts
Gender: BOY!!!!
Name: We have a couple boy names, but I am not set on any of them yet. I’m thinking we will be keeping it to ourselves until after he is born…..because we may not decide until then haha!
Movement: He decided last week to mess around with being transverse and breach with a little bit of the proper head down position. Stressful for me being so close to the end. I’m working hard to do everything in my power to encourage him to turn. If he is still not in the optimal position at our ultrasound things will get really serious.
Sleep: One HUGE benefit to using Hypnobabies is that it has an instant relaxing effect, and makes me sleep quickly and deeply. Best sleep of my pregnancy so far!
Exercise: I’m nesting a little, and it makes me randomly clean the whole house.
Hypnobabies: This week is officially week 5 for Hypnobabies. After this week, it’s on to just practicing and listening to tracks. Good thing. I haven’t been as diligent at practicing as I should have been.
Symptoms: Exhaustion. Not quite as exhausted as the last update, but still pretty tired and ready for bed at the end of the day.
Throw up tally: 0!!
What I miss: Energy!!
Cravings: I haven’t had any cravings for a while. I haven’t been very hungry much lately. Aversions: Nothing!
Things to do: I have a list of things to buy this week or next, but we got a lot done this week to prepare. The room is set up, clothes are washed and put away, and pretty much any other purchases will wait until after my baby shower.
Best Moment this week: Finally having a place set up for him. Crib, changing table, dresser, and clothes are all set up for him.
Looking Forward To: Our 36 week ultrasound and my baby shower! Both are happening this week, and should be wonderful.
Week 36

Week 36

35 Weeks:
Week 35

Friday, May 15, 2015

How?!?

Pregnancy Highlights: It hit me this week. I am a MAXIMUM of 8 weeks away from having another baby!! How did that happen?!? Something my Doula said at our meeting on Tuesday triggered some freaking out. It was like I suddenly realized how stinking close I am getting to having a 4th child. It also hit me how unprepared we are!
Guess Date: June 26, 2015
How Far Along: 34 weeks
Size of baby: About 4 3/4 lbs and almost 18” long
Weight: 213.8
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 17.4 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Yes!
Gender: BOY!!!!
Name: We have a couple boy names, but I am not set on any of them yet. I’m thinking we will be keeping it to ourselves until after he is born…..because we may not decide until then haha!
Movement: He spends his time head down for the most part now, which means big kicks up top, knees rolling from side to side, and punches or head buts to the cervix (not my favorite)!
Sleep: One HUGE benefit to using Hypnobabies is that it has an instant relaxing effect, and makes me sleep quickly and deeply. Best sleep of my pregnancy so far!
Exercise: I’m nesting a little, and it makes me randomly clean the whole house.
Hypnobabies: This week is officially week 3 for Hypnobabies. I have only managed to stay awake through 1 track so far, but hopefully my mind is still soaking it in.
Symptoms: Exhaustion. Not quite as exhausted as the last update, but still pretty tired and ready for bed at the end of the day.
Throw up tally: 0!!
What I miss: Energy!!
Cravings: I haven’t had any cravings for a while. I haven’t been very hungry this week. I think there is too much baby.
Aversions: Nothing!
Things to do: This part is freaking me out a bit. It seems like there is SO much to do!Best Moment this week: Officially hiring a Doula! Getting my birth kit in the mail.
Looking Forward To: Our 36 week ultrasound. Getting a space set up for him. Deciding where he will sleep, getting a dresser set up for him, feeling more prepared.
Week 34

Sunday, May 3, 2015

32

Pregnancy Highlights: Time is still flying on by. Life is busy as usual, and I’m happy I am not just sitting around waiting for my guess date to get here
Guess Date: June 26, 2015
How Far Along: 32 weeks
Size of baby: Roughly 3 pounds and measures 16 inches from head to heel
Weight: 213.4
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 17 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Yes!
Gender: BOY!!!!
Name: We have a couple boy names, but I am not set on any of them yet. I’m thinking we will be keeping it to ourselves until after he is born…..because we may not decide until then haha!
Movement: He spends his time head down for the most part now, which means big kicks up top, knees rolling from side to side, and punches or head buts to the cervix (not my favorite)!
Sleep: One HUGE benefit to using Hypnobabies is that it has an instant relaxing effect, and makes me sleep quickly and deeply. Best sleep of my pregnancy so far!
Exercise: I’m nesting a little, and it makes me randomly clean the whole house.
Hypnobabies: This week is officially week 1 for Hypnobabies.
Symptoms: Exhaustion. Not quite as exhausted as the last update, but still pretty tired and ready for bed at the end of the day.
Throw up tally: 0!!
What I miss: Energy!!
Cravings: I haven’t had any cravings for a while.
Aversions: Nothing! That isn’t a good thing either, because then I eat everything.
Things to do: I bought some boy clothes and a few bedding pieces, and bought my homebirth kit, but beyond that I still need to set everything else up.
Best Moment this week: Hearing his heartbeat and talking with my midwife. And finding a DOULA!! I’m so excited to have a Doula this time around. There will be so many supportive people attending my birth. Two midwives, a midwife assistant (who is also a doula and midwifery student), a doula, and of course my husband.
Looking Forward To: Getting a space set up for him. Deciding where he will sleep, getting a dresser set up for him, feeling more prepared. I am really looking forward to getting some people lined up to take the girls when I go into labor.

Week 32

Week 32

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