Cadence's Day

I have sat down dozens of times to try to write this post. Part of me doesn't even want to write it. I feel like I might be judged for how I am feeling. Because, honestly, I was not sad on her birthday!

Happy 1 year birthday to our little angel Cadence McKenzie!!

Did I feel little twinges of sadness that we don't have a little girl turning one and having a party? Yes, but those moments were immediately swept away by the firm knowledge I have that she was not meant to stay on earth. I spent the day thinking of her and of the day we were having a year ago when she came into our lives. Even then, we weren't desperately heartbroken as so many couples/women/families that I have heard about who have gone through this same kind of loss. We talked, laughed, and processed everything that was happening. We talked immediately of the future and more children. Yes, it was a sad, difficult day, but it was not something we look back on with sadness. Instead, we love the memory we have of our short time with her, and we are looking forward to the future when we get to see her again.

On Cadence's day, I was busy with so many things. I didn't think about her all day long. I went about our normal routine and that evening when we finally had time, Robert, Kaylee, and I took some flowers and a birthday cupcake up to her grave and sang happy birthday to her. It was super windy, but the candle stayed lit long enough to get through most of the song, and then we lit it again so Kaylee could blow it out. We took the little cake home and Kaylee got to eat it for dinner.

Her little spot with flowers and her birthday cupcake. My only sadness for the day was the fact that we don't have her headstone in yet. It will come, but it was hard not having it for her birthday.

This picture took about 10 tries before we got it. She couldn't keep her eyes off the cake so every shot had her eyes closed with a great smile. By the time I caught her eyes in a picture, her smile was getting tired. She was happy to be there though!

From the cemetery I went to a girls night out with some very good friends. One of those friends thought to bring a bunch of purple balloons for us to release together in remembrance of Cadence. It was wonderful!

Balloons in exactly the right color

All my beautiful friends

Happy Birthday Cadence!!

It was such a beautiful day!

Late Nights and Wonderful Friends

Last night my friends and I got together at MY house for girls night out! It was really fun to host it, and I was so happy to see that so many people made the drive to be there. We talked, laughed, ate, and stayed up WAY too late to be functioning mommies today. But, if that is the point of GNO, I don't know what is!

I was pleasantly surprised that some brought baby gifts for me and the other pregnant Brittany in the group. We were due around the same time, but her due date got moved to a week earlier. We are both having little girls although this will be her first (baby and girl). I have such wonderful friends!

Cadence's wonderful gifts

As tired as I am today, I honestly can't wait for the next time we all get together.