Merging Blogs

I don't know if people who read this blog even know about my other blog. It was my first blog and was/is about our dogs. I still post there occasionally, but not very consistently. Part of that is because I don't think anyone even reads it anymore, and part of it is because I care more about keeping this one current.

I am considering merging the two blogs though. I don't know if it would even work to somehow put all the old posts and comments from the other one on here (I wouldn't merge them if that wouldn't work), but I think I would post more about the dogs and agility if it were on this blog.

Really, I have no idea why I am posting about this other than to try to get it sorted out in my mind. If you are a consistent reader/follower of this blog and would NOT want to read about the dogs (mostly about dog agility training and competitions) please comment saying so!! I promise it would not take over the usual content of this blog.

Ok, I did it!! If you are interested in reading about puppy raising (for guide dog for the blind) or dog agility the posts are all mixed in with everything else. Enjoy!!

Week 16 = Month 4!!!

Pregnancy Highlights: I can't believe I am already in the 4th month of pregnancy!! It is going by so quickly, but most some days it doesn't seem to be going fast enough. That sounds horrible, but it is how I am feeling lately. Some days I feel like I am in that 9 months along stage and am just SO done being pregnant. I am hoping that when I start feeling him/her move more and get started on the nursery stuff that I will feel better about being pregnant. Mostly I think it is just the fact that being pregnant back to back is SO hard! I will NEVER NEVER be pregnant back to back if I can at all help it. Being sick as a dog this week didn't help at all either. Ok, I am really done complaining lol!

How Far Along: 16 weeks

Size of baby: About 4.5" and weighing about 3.5 oz

Weight: 188.2

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 6.8 lbs

Stretch Marks: Only the ones that haven't faded from my pregnancy with Cadence - I am really scared this time for the stretch marks. I feel like my belly is already huge, and I'm not even to the halfway point!

Maternity Clothes: I am planning a big shopping trip to stock up on Maternity clothes before my trip to Reno NV.

Gender: We are not finding out until this little one is born, and I am SO excited for that!

Name: The names we choose will also remain private (at least on here) until He/She is born.

Movement: Still not feeling a lot anymore.

Sleep: This week was horrible with being sick on top of already not great sleep.

Exercise: Other than walking the dogs, agility, and yard work, I didn't get in any really exercise this week.

Hypnobabies: I am actually thinking of starting to listen to some of the tracks now and then starting the full course at 25-28 weeks as planned.

Symptoms: I'm still feeling the need to clean everything, which is hard when I should be laying around recovering from my cold.

Throw up tally: Around 25 (I am losing count)

What I miss: Sleeping through the night. A solid few hours of sleep would be fabulous!

Cravings: Nothing big. Salads a little bit. More foods are sounding good which is nice

Aversions: Eggs! This is a complete opposite from the last to babies, with them I couldn't get enough. Other than that, I can't think of anything really big.

Things to do: Lol, everything!

Best Moment this week: ......umm nothing??

Looking Forward To: I am excited about my first group meeting at the birth center on Tuesday morning. This is where a bunch of ladies due around the same time meet together to talk and get to know each other and one at a time go back to see the midwife.

Picture(s) for this week:

Week 16

I love that it's spring!!

I am loving the warm (mostly) weather lately! Kaylee and I have been outside a lot playing and working in the dirt that will soon become our lawn. There is so much work still to do, but we are hoping to get it all done in the next couple weeks.

These are a little crooked, but you can see some of the work we have done this past couple weeks.

The first and last pictures are the same side of the house, one before the trenches were dug, and one after.

Throwing the tennis ball for Hobbs......too bad he doesn't play fetch very well

What is she looking at?? A hole......

This is the "daddy hole" - Robert dug it and Kaylee loved watching and helping him

trying to smile for the camera while the sun is shining in her eyeballs

We have been able to go to the park to play a couple times, but it always seems to get cold as soon as we get there. Kaylee loves the playgrounds, and begs to go anytime we drive past one.

She is finally getting brave enough to go on the slide without too much encouragement from me

The dogs are loving the sun too!

Hobbs and Patriot

Patriot sunning himself. He really isn't as fat as he looks in this picture! He is just laying with his shoulders all skewed so it looks like it......and he has a TON of skin around his neck and shoulders.

Hobbs is turning into an "old man" and is finally learning the joys of basking in the sun.....he still insists on having something to chew though lol
Today Kaylee got out her shovel and helped me dig in the dirt

She is finally getting the hang of smiling for the camera, I just have to be fast!

Walking back and forth in one of the sprinkler trenches

Balancing on one of the old pipes. She walks along this and says "Careful" every couple steps. It's adorable!
I hosed off the rabbit cage and Kaylee was super excited to "taste" the hose. Lol, she meant drink from the hose, but for some reason she kept saying taste.

I have a feeling this is going to be her main source of water this summer

I totally LOVE this little girl! I can't believe she turns 3 in only 4 months!!

Opps!!

Pregnancy Highlights: I totally forgot to write and post this on Sunday! Oh well, I have been feeling pretty good most of the time now. Its just in time for Robert and I to work on the front yard. We are putting in a lawn this year and the digging for the sprinkler system has been a ton of work! I still feel way more pregnant that I should at this stage. Robert and I got to hear this little one's heartbeat again this week, which was really great.

How Far Along: 15 weeks....and 3 days

Size of baby: About 4" and weighing about 2.5 oz

Weight: 189.4

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 7.0 lbs - Weighed myself after a big breakfast so this may not be accurate.

Stretch Marks: Only the ones that haven't faded from my pregnancy with Cadence

Maternity Clothes: Sadly, my favorite maternity pants got a hole, so I have to go try to find some more.

Gender: We are not finding out until this little one is born, and I am SO excited for that! Though, I am on a Facebook group with a bunch of other Sept 2012 ladies and some of them have been finding out and announcing their baby's genders. One even posted a video of her cutting her gender reveal cake, and I ended up on Youtube watching all these fun cake cuttings. It made me a little anxious to find out what we are having, but I am still set on not finding out until the birth. I think if it ends up being twins though we will find out.....maybe lol.

Name: The names we choose will also remain private (at least on here) until He/She is born. I think we are going to choose two of each and then decide when we see our new little one.

Movement: Actually, I haven't felt a lot this week. Maybe because I have been so busy, but probably baby has just moved somewhere that I can't feel him/her.

Sleep: Better, but still not great. I have been having really disturbing horrific dreams some nights that makes it hard to go back to sleep when I wake up.

Exercise: Other than walking the dogs, agility, and yard work, I didn't get in any really exercise this week.

Hypnobabies: I wont be starting the course until around 25 weeks, and I can't wait!!

Symptoms: Feeling the need to clean EVERYTHING!

Throw up tally: Around 25 (I am losing count) - None this week!!

What I miss: Sleeping through the night. A solid few hours of sleep would be fabulous!

Cravings: Nothing big. Salads a little bit. More foods are sounding good which is nice

Aversions: Eggs! This is a complete opposite from the last to babies, with them I couldn't get enough. Other than that, I can't think of anything really big.

Things to do: Lol, everything!

Best Moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat! Feeling more like a normal human being again.

Looking Forward To: Nothing big pregnancy wise this week! I am excited about my first group meeting at the birth center at the end of the month. This is where a bunch of ladies due around the same time meet together to talk and get to know each other and one at a time go back to see the midwife.

Picture(s) for this week:

Week 15

A New Favorite

Kaylee visited my moms house for a weekend a few weeks ago, and my mom introduced her to Playdough. She now has a new favorite activity! We went to the store and bought some just a couple days after she got back from Grandma's house, and have played with it several times a week since then.
I have to admit, I bought some modeling clay for myself! My sisters and I used to play with clay for hours and hours when we were growing up. It was so fun to make a few things again.

She concentrates SO hard when she is playing with the clay or playdough!

I made this little horse for her, and she loves it! - Those are her fingers for size comparison.

A big horse that I made while she was playing

Kaylee is such a wonderful little girl! She is beyond excited that the weather is getting better so she can play outside. This winter has been very mild, but the cold added to the fact that I felt too sick most of the time to really have fun with her outside. Now that I am finally feeling better, we have been outside almost every day. I am so excited for Spring and Summer to be here!

Week 14

Pregnancy Highlights: I hope I am not jinxing myself, but I think the worst is over. Most of this week I have been feeling more normal. Its not even just the nausea and sickness that's gone. My motivation for life is back! I am feeling huge though. I feel much more pregnant that just 14 weeks.

How Far Along: 14 weeks

Size of baby: Almost 3" and weighing not even 1 oz

Weight: 188.0 Still feeling like a whale....just a more active one ;)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 5.6 lbs and that pretty much needs to stop like yesterday! - No weight gain this week though which is great!

Stretch Marks: Only the ones that haven't faded from my pregnancy with Cadence

Maternity Clothes: Maternity jeans are awful comfy!!

Gender: We are not finding out until this little one is born, and I am SO excited for that!

Name: The names we choose will also remain private (at least on here) until He/She is born

Movement: I am Shocked that I am feeling movement already! I was skeptical at first, but now I am almost positive it is baby. I looked back, and I didn't feel either of the other two until at least 18 weeks if not later! I know people say you feel babies earlier and earlier with each one, but holy cow! It scares me that there might actually be more than one in there!

Sleep: Still pretty bad. Some nights I wake up almost every hour!

Exercise: I ran twice this week! Just little 90 second and 3 minute runs broken up by walking, but I am still so happy to be running again! The dogs are happy to be getting walks again too. I also got to do agility with Hobbs a couple days.....just enough to make me a bit sore.

Hypnobabies: I wont be starting the course until around 25 weeks, and I can't wait!!

Symptoms: Feeling the need to clean EVERYTHING!

Throw up tally: Around 25 (I am losing count) - Only once since last week, Yay!

What I miss: Sleeping through the night. A solid few hours of sleep would be fabulous!

Cravings: I was craving no-bake cookies like crazy this week! I didn't have the stuff to make them, but a lovely woman made them and brought them to a Sewing Day. It honestly make my WEEK! Then we went to visit Robert's parents and my mother-in-law made me some more no-bakes!

Aversions: Most foods still don't sound very appetizing

Things to do: Lol, everything!

Best Moment this week: Feeling the little flutters that are this baby!

Looking Forward To: Hearing this little one's heartbeat on the 13th

Picture(s) for this week:

Week 14

The goal for a Hypnobabies Birth

I found this video a while ago, and wanted to share it! Yes, it is a birth video, and no, it isn't traumatizing or gross so please watch it! This is what a Hypnobabies birth is supposed to look like! This is the kind of birth I really REALLY want to have!

It is a long video, and is kind of boring because it is basically the same all the way through. If you watch the beginning you will see how she leans over the side and stops moving when she has a contraction. When things get more intense she basically stays leaning over the side for the rest of the video until the baby is born. The most impressive part is the actual birth at the end. If you want to see that part (I promise there aren't any gross parts), you can fast forward to the 19:30 ish mark and the baby is born a minute or so after that.

This is how birth should look!!

A Choice

When we first found out I was pregnant again, I had a huge range of emotions. I was SO excited first and foremost, but there was also fear. Fear stemming from the fact that I know all too well that things can and DO go wrong with pregnancy. Did I know that before we lost Cadence? Yes, but after losing her, and meeting dozens of other moms who have lost babies (for many many different reasons) it became all too real. Some moms say that the innocence of pregnancy is lost for us angel moms. I am not sure how I feel about that.

At first, I let the fear wash over me and started to freak out about how hard this pregnancy was going to be. I feared that I wouldn't enjoy any of it because I would be in constant worry about what might happen. Then, something calmed me. The thought that I was in control of how I treated this pregnancy. I could be terrified and let that consume me, or I could embrace the excitement, and only leave a little tiny place for the fear. So I made my choice. I chose the excitement!

There is a big reason that I had to choose this option. Cadence's pregnancy was stressful. We got to week 16(ish) and found out she had a large chance of having Down syndrome (which she did). The weeks and months and doctor visits that followed were full of the uncertain. I thought and stressed about her growth, health, and chromosomal status for the rest of the pregnancy! It made it not so fun. After we lost her, I have hated the fact that the only time I had with her was filled with stress. I was not able to fully enjoy the pregnancy, and my little angel while she was with me.

I will NOT let that happen again. Regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy, I am going to enjoy it!! Let me tell you, it has not been easy so far! Back to back pregnancies are HARD!! I had a 3 1/2 month break between pregnancies. I would not do this again on purpose for a million dollars (the back to back thing, not pregnancy in general). On top of that, I have been sicker than ever with this little one. But I will not let that stop me from enjoying this pregnancy. I will not let the fear of another loss stop me from being excited and loving (almost) every minute of this pregnancy.

Am I still afraid? YES! Sometimes the fear starts to take over and I have to work through it. Pregnancy after a loss is scary!! I will not deny that! I do let myself think about all the horrible things that could go wrong. Then I stop, and push the fear to the back of my mind. I will not let it control me, or let it ruin this pregnancy. I honestly love pregnancy too much to let it be ruined by the what if's.

In other news.....

Cadence would have turned 7 months old yesterday!!!

It shocks me every time I calculate how old our little girl would be. I count from the day she was born, not from her due date. I have actually been grateful the past couple months that I have missed her month day. What I mean by that is that I don't realize on the 3rd that it would have been a month-day for her if she were here. For the first 3 or 4 months I had horrible days on the 3rd of each month. Sometimes I wouldn't realize for most of the day that is was her month-day, but I am sure that it was the reason for my bad days.

I love when we pass a month-day and I realize later than it was a good day and I wasn't being affected subconsciously by her death.

Anyways, I am rambling! I can not believe it has been over half a year since we held our little angel. At the same time, I can't believe just how ok I am about it. Yes, it still hurts, but I am good and happy 90% of the time, even when I am thinking about her. Thinking about her makes me smile rather than making me sad. That being said, I bawled my eyes out in church today when I mentioned her; I couldn't even finish whatever comment I was trying to make to add to the lesson.....I hate crying in front of people! Now everyone at church is probably terrified to ask me about what happened and I hate that because I really am ok talking about her! Stupid emotions lol!

I love this picture! I love her little ear. The hat wasn't pushing her ear down, it was just like that. I have an ultrasound picture of that same ear. It was the one ultrasound picture that ever made me wonder if she did in fact have Down syndrome. Many Ds babies have similar ears. Thank you Heidi again for taking such wonderful pictures of our Angel!

I promise I am still here!

Yes, I know it has been over a month since I posted last :( I have been pretty much sick as a dog since I found out I was pregnant. I am going to be doing weekly updates (hopefully) from now on, and I promise I will also be blogging about other things.

Pregnancy Highlights: As I said before, I am sick. I feel pretty good most mornings, but by afternoon I start feeling the nausea and it continues on until I got to bed. It has been this way since I was barely 4 weeks along. It has been a long 9 weeks. I am praying I start feeling better soon.

How Far Along: 13 weeks

Size of baby: Almost 3" and weighing not even 1 oz

Weight: 188.0 I seriously feel like a whale already this time around :(

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gain: 5.6 lbs - Starting point was 182.4 - I really don't think I am going to get away with only gaining 14 lbs this time :(

Stretch Marks: Only the ones that haven't faded from my pregnancy with Cadence

Maternity Clothes: Maternity jeans are awful comfy!!

Gender: We are not finding out until this little one is born, and I am SO excited for that!

Gender "Feeling": I feel like this one is a girl

Name: The names we choose will also remain private (at least on here) until He/She is born

Movement: Sometimes I think I feel flutters, but I am very skeptical about movement this early

Sleep: Predictably bad. I wake up almost every night around 3 and then don't really go back to sleep until morning. Many times I wake up because I am to hungry to sleep any longer.

Exercise: Honestly, I have been so sick most days that I can't do anything other than entertain and play with Kaylee. Every once in a while I run a little on the treadmill or walk the dogs for an hour or so, but it always makes me feel cruddy for the rest of the day.

Hypnobabies: I wont be starting the course until around 25 weeks, and I can't wait!!

Symptoms: Nausea most of the day, Fatigue, complete lack of motivation to do anything, and back pain around where my epidural was.

Throw up tally: Around 25 (I am losing count) - pretty sad seeing that between both my previous pregnancies I could count the times I threw up on one hand.

What I miss: Feeling good!! Being this sick for this long is so draining! I miss being able to run on a consistent basis. I miss enjoying food!

Cravings: Nothing. Though, I am seriously starving 90% of the time. One of the only things I have really liked is Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches....and those are getting old.

Aversions: Basically everything. Food doesn't sound good, ever.

Things to do: Lol, everything!

Best Moment this week: Um, nothing....that sounds really horrible, but so far this pregnancy has been really hard for me.

Looking Forward To: Feeling better and hearing the heartbeat on the 13th

Picture(s) for this week:

I am glad that I don't look as big as I feel.